it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
