I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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