she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
