The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
