She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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