i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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