I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
