She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
