At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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