guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize