I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
