let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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