i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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