The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
