Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
