He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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