the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
