do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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