it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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