I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
