Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
