I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
