I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
