so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
