Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize