fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize