the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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