I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
