were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
His nipple licking is glorious
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