I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
