Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
