that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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