This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
