the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
