I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
