There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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