Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
