either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
