New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
