Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
