I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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