I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
