what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
