Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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