i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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