I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
