I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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