I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
