i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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