Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
