he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
