Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize