on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
