my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
