I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize