remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
