This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
