It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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